What do you do after sex?

What do you do when you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation? I’m not talking about something that you would consider obvious harassment, but rather the common stuff that pops up rather often. For instance, someone you normally get along with asks you a question you don’t want to answer, or says something to put you on the spot, or cracks a joke you don’t like as it is racist or it demeans women.

My preferred way to deal with such things is to say something funny.  Most people have a good sense of humour, even men.  Actually, most men have a great sense of humour, and appreciate a funny come-back.  These can be hard to come up with quickly, though.

When I was in trade school, some of the fellows were talking about smoking.  As I passed them, one of them asked me if I smoked after sex.  Obviously not a proper thing to ask me, and he knew it.  “Well I don’t know, I’ve never looked” I shot back.  They all laughed at that, and the wise guy who asked laughed the longest.  Now, this is an old joke and I didn’t have to think what to say, it just came spontaneously.  I usually have a harder time coming up with something that quickly.

This happened over 20 years ago.  Back then, employers were very wary of hiring women precisely because of this kind of thing.  I could have complained to the school, however that didn’t occur to me. It would have done me no favors anyway, but rather would have branded me as someone who can’t get along with the guys.  Comments like that seemed to be more common then, possibly because people are now more aware and harassment policies are stricter, or maybe also because I’m older and have more seniority now.

Another way I deal with this kind of thing is to just ignore comments I don’t find worthy of a response. 

There are times I do make a more serious statement, telling them that their joke would offend some people, and why.  I don’t often do this, but when I have I’ve noticed the guys refrain from saying the type of thing again.  At least to me.

Mostly, though, I resort to humour.    

If I was asked today by one of my co-workers if I smoked after sex I would answer the same way.  Then I would tell him to smarten up, because that is an unacceptably personal question.